Advice on Communication

Communication is hard. Especially for people like me. ¹ with Asperger’s Syndrome. A form of Autism. People have different expectations on how others should communicate, and these different expectations cause misunderstandings and occasionally ruin relationships.

Often, people mistake my delay in response for rudeness or my lack of texting enthusiasm for a lack of interest. Occasionally, I fail to respond to people because they try to reach me through a channel that I don’t use.

To avoid further unnecessary headaches, I try to make clear how I communicate.

General preferences

Head’s up

1. I’m blunt and prefer straightforward communication.
2. I dislike channels that don’t let you turn off read receipts.
3. I hate small talks.

Email

My preference

If we’ve never met before, the best way to reach me is via email. I check my inbox frequently and try to respond to every email.

If I don’t respond to your email, it might be because of the following reasons:

1. You want something beyond my power. I can’t give you advice tailored to your personal life if I don’t know you. Please befriend me first.
2. Your email is long. Please keep your first email to under 1 minute read. I find 1-200 words to be the ideal length.
3. You ask me something that can be easily found online. I used to respond to those emails with lmgtfy.com but friends have told me that it’s rude.
4. I have no idea who I’m talking to. If you aren’t easily googleable, please include a one-sentence introduction.
5. I forget. I procrastinate responding to non-urgent emails, and sometimes forget to respond altogether. If I haven’t responded after a week, feel free to follow up.

Social media

or the lack thereof

I don’t use social media. I use to say that I hate it, but hate is a strong word. So, these days I say, I don’t find it valuable. I do have a few account, but they are mainly for 3 reasons:

1. Find curiosities. Social media is a goldmine when it comes to finding weird and/or rare information
2. Promote my work. It’s a perfect way to promote my work. Although I have to say, that I’m not convinced by how useful it really is.
3. Contact: Having an online presence on social media helps to get more in touch with readers.

Texting and calling

I hate WhatsApps groups

I use texting for transmitting information and bonding with people already close to me. If we aren’t close yet, expect minimal texting from me. I don’t appreciate “Hey”, “What’s up”, “What music do you listen to” kind of texts.

My response time is generally between 1 second and 3 days. My slow response does not indicate a lack of interest.

My phone is always on silent so I will certainly miss unscheduled calls. If you need to tell me something that is hard to explain via texts, you can either: 1/ send me a voice message. 2/ schedule a time to call me. 3/ schedule a time to talk in person.

Scheduling

I live by my Calendar

I have a full-time job, 2 small children and a lot of hobbies and interests. I have little free time.

If we aren’t close yet, you should make plans with me early, preferably at least two weeks in advance. A plan consists of an agreed upon time and location. “Let’s hang out this Saturday” is an idea, not a plan. “Coffee at 3pm this Saturday at XYZ cafe” is a plan.

I have a short term memory so I might forget things that aren’t on my calendar. Please send me a calendar invite if I haven’t sent you one already.

Conclusion

Famous last words

When it comes to communication, I’m systematic but not inflexible. This post is a reference to avoid misunderstandings. And, as always, if you have some valuable insight or tip, please let me know. Comment below this post or send me an e-mail 😉